The Dreaded ‘DTR’

DTR – Define the relationship.

We’ve all had this conversation at one point. Whether we’re the DTR initiator or the DTR receiver. It’s inevitable that when a guy and a girl hang out on a regular basis they will have this conversation. We reach a point where establishing relationship status isn’t as easy as it was in the 8th grade. You know the story, Friday night at the skating rink, it’s couples skate, K-Ci and JoJo starts to play. He grabs your hand and you skate around the rink under the disco ball. Before you know it, you’re passing notes folded into hearts at school on Monday. It was that simple. Once we hit our twenties it all becomes so much more complicated. You get a text saying “can we talk?” and immediately you know what lies ahead. It’s frustrating because the truth of the matter is, if people were upfront about their feelings from the get go, this conversation wouldn’t be necessary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a bold move to initiate this convo. But y’all, what if we were honest with ourselves and each other at the first sign that the other half of this relationship starts to want more than friendship? If this happens and you’re not feeling the same way, that’s fine! Recognize it and suggest that talking/hanging out so often isn’t a good idea because you just want to be friends. Giving someone the wrong idea is just mean.
Another scenario is when someone pretends not to be interested because they thought that the other person wasn’t interested (guilty). This is just plain fear of rejection. No one ever wants to be rejected but we’ve got to start putting our egos on the line and be genuine. No risk, no reward.

So either grab the hand of the person you like and skate to “All My Life” or hang out with your friends in the arcade during couples skate. Whatever you do, just be real. And stop the DTRs, they’re awkward. You’ll know when he or she is interested.

Why were we so much braver in middle school?

How do you feel about having to ‘define the relationship’?


2 thoughts on “The Dreaded ‘DTR’

  1. What if you have a fear of intimacy because you are WAY too hard on yourself and you get stuck focusing on your flaws? Then, the only “relationship” where you feel comfortable is one that’s completely ambiguous. Why? Because, secretly, deep-down you are terrified to be honest with yourself or them …because that leaves you open, broken and vulnerable. Where’s the grace in that? Where’s the risk? Isn’t it all just living one big cowardly lie? Maybe you need to DTR …with yourself.

    • I couldn’t agree with you more. I definitely believe that defining your relationship with yourself should come before defining your relationship with someone else. And most importantly, this particular DTR with yourself needs to include God. Knowing who I am in Him allows me to see past my flaws, give myself grace and also allows me to take more risks. I think you’re right and this “self DTR” needs to be the first step before anyone even walks into the skating rink ;). Thanks for your insight.

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